When Good Millionaires Go Bad.

Reuters had an interesting article on one of the dumbest rich people ever. The following is all true. If someone were to make a film out of it, it would get panned for being completely implausible. What caught my eye is the fact that the article took place in my old hometown of Galveston Island, Texas. (see prior blog about tarred beaches and sting rays) Apparently an incredibly wealthy gentleman shot a neighbor to death and disposed of the body in Galveston Bay. It was consequently found, and pinned on him. He pleads innocent. He pleads self defense.

Point number one: If you happen to shoot an elderly man in self defense, please--for heavens sake--do NOT cut up the body and dispose of it in the bay. It makes your self defense claim look... suspect.

Point number two: If you happen to shoot and elderly man in self defense, and you do cut up the body to dispose of it in the bay, be SURE that you do not leave large gouges from the cutting in your kitchen floor. They could be trip hazards. They also look bad in court.

Point three: But by gum, if you're going to do it anyway, you kill and you cut---make sure that the garbage bags you put the body parts into are brand new, not bags with your receipts and newspapers with your name and address and such in them. It makes the police suspicious.

Point four: Ok. So you ignored my good advice. The kill, the cut, the dump, and now you're being held in jail. When you post bond, which you do, because you're stinking rich...for god's sake---do not flee to Pennsylvania, and get caught stealing a sandwich and a bandaid. People may think ill of you, especially if you have over $500 in your pocket, and FORTY freaking GRAND in your car. Please. Just buy the sandwich. If you're that cheap, just ask someone for a bandaid. I'm sure someone would take pity on an incredibly stupid fucked up millionaire.

My final point is this. If you plan to do any of these things, first be sure that you are not wanted for questioning in the disappearance of your wife in New York and in the death of yet another friend. It is very difficult to prove that you're an innocent, walking streak of bad luck for the people around you. And it looks especially funny if, upon being sought for questioning in New York, you move to Texas, dress up like a little old mute lady and rent an apartment under those pretenses. On a side note, if you do happen to dress up like a mute lady, say, just for fun...be careful in bars when you light up. Those wigs are flammable. I'm not joking. It's for your own good.