Must...Be...Nice... Remember Christmas-time.

The misanthrope in me is being tempted to do something pretty funny, but kind of mean. But…more funny than mean. I swear. Well, okay…it would really only be funny to me and give me some satisfaction, which means I have no excuse for doing it.

Back story: Soon after I got my Comcast email address 3 years ago, I began getting the occasional email from vapid, semi-illiterate teens in Pennsylvania somewhere. I quickly figured out that some girl had been inadvertently giving out my email address, rather than her own. Oops. Not a mistake I’d probably make, but these things happen. I began replying to the emails, (gently) letting them know they have the wrong address, and they need to let “their Steph” know she has to figure out what her actual address is and stop giving out mine. Now, you’d think that if a friend told you she sent an email about her secret crush to a complete stranger because you provided her with the wrong address… that, mortified, you’d make sure your return address was set correctly, and that it didn’t happen again.

But noooo. Not only did various emails from friends, parents, and school groups increase, but she began signing up for retarded mailing lists about tanning, etc. (like, oh my gawd!)

I began to get frustrated, and reply a little more sharply to people, in hopes that they’d get the message across to this idiot. Some boy wrote multiple times about “how good last nite was,” “and how he couldn’t wait 2 look into ur eyyes again,” and when I was done laughing, I was ticked off. Why couldn’t an intelligent person with interesting friends make this mistake? (rhetorical question)

This time I poked through the headers of her attached previous email and found her actual email address. I wrote her a letter that was gentler, in retrospect, than I should have been. She responded, not with an apology, but with an “OMG! I need emails from paul can u send them to me or tell me what he said. Make me a list of emails I missd.”

Right. Now I’m your message service? I responded that I wasn’t going to be forwarding emails, and if she was interested in what people had to say, she would correct her address with them so SHE would get them, not me. Gradually, the influx of lost emails began to subside, and I trained my email to junk the mailing list messages so I don’t have to deal with them.

And then… the other day, I received an email from MySpace, letting me know that some schumck wanted to added as “one of my friends.” I was mildly confused, since, as far as I could remember, I has not signed up for anything with MySpace, which appears to be *the* place for weirdoes and teens to flirt with each other. No offense to anyone literate who has a MySpace site.

In any case, I went over to the main site and poked at the login just in case I has signed up way back when and forgotten. Nope. None of my standard passwords worked, so I clicked “I forgot my password” and they sent it, no questions asked, to…my Comcast email. More confusion for a moment as my brain slowly clicked into gear. I know I probably never signed up at MySpace, but I know for SURE that I never had “areyougay1” as my password for anything. (a light goes on in my head) oh, I see.

And this is where my temptation to do evil came in: I went to the “other” Steph’s ridiculous MySpace site, and of course, with her login and password, I can alter her site and profile. Ooo, the temptation! Here is a quote from her veritable literary work of a profile:

Okayy..well um I have a boyfriend named Dominic.We have been together for 1 month.I love him soooooo much!:)I am on a cheerleading team called the American Flyerz.Yeahh we are thee bestt teamm.We mostly get FIRST PLACE!..I have AIM and a Livejournal and obvisily a myspace.Um Yeah I love to tan.Im really dark.I love to jump on the trampoline.I can do like front flips and backflips.Well I love to listen to music and to watch T.V....Well i love my friends.There swweeeeet.Well i can be really stupid and a blonde at times.Im really outgoing and I love to have fun and just be with my friends..I really hate school.But yeah...I love to do my makeup and use lipgloss.Yeah well i love the Andy Milliknockis Show..Hahah its soooooo funny!!!!!!..Yeah well I have dark brown hair with red highlights and I have brown eyes.Yeah well um I love my hair.I jsut got it permentaly straighted and I have side bangs.Yeahhh welll...i wear Abercrombie and alll them kind of clothes.So yeahh.

I kid you not. I have not changed a letter. There is also a priceless photo of her and some friend pouting for the camera. She’s freaking 20 years old. Am I wrong to think one should be just slightly beyond this at 20?

Anyway, I am sitting on my hands like a good person, and not logging on and adding a bit about her being a bimbo or making fun of her grammatical inadequacies.

I am a good person. I am a good person. (Repeat until the urge to be mean goes away.)