Lonely..... leg?
Ok, Mister. I know you're out there. Yeah, I'm talking to you--- the guy who sneakily leaves xeroxed signs taped to the garbage cans outside our store every other Tuesday or so. (No, not you, Mr/Ms. "work at home, lose weight, and make millions" sign maker. )

I'm talking to the guy who leaves the signs entitled "Seeking Pretty Amputee"

For starters, I would like to know why you leave your signs on our garbage cans in the dead of winter. If you are seeking an amputee, shouldn't you look someplace amputees are...well, LIKELY to be? Or have I simply missed the droves of good looking limbless that hang around reading trash cans in the snow rather than coming the heck inside the store for some good hot chai? That could be it. Either way, you probably should post it away from all those "lost pets" signs. it looks weird. Er... weirder.

The next thing that leaps to mind is the text of your...proposal? Personal personal ad? Query? In any case, what you make known is that you are a clean, slim, white, male office professional around the age of 50. You are a self proclaimed creative--an artist and a writer. There is no mention of how many limbs you may have. I would, however, like to suggest a thesaurus for replacing overused "personal ad" phrases like, "nice" or "disease free."

Now, the writing, I can forgive, but you claim to be an artist. You even provide said art--the top half of your sign is dominated by a clumsy rendering of what I can only assume must be a pretty amputee. Now, I can appreciate your use of the pastoral setting. Everyone looks nice lounging on a picnic blanket in a woodsy park... But is there a reason that this particular legless lady is so busty that an explosion from her lowcut top seems eminent? Or does she have to lean forward like that to balance herself? The prominent placement of her crutches seems so contrived, as if she is saying to the world, "Well, hello, World. Has any one happened to notice I only have one sexy leg?" I would recommend going for some classical Danish props next time. Perhaps your next amputee could be gazing at a skull, or holding a copy of the Gutenburg Bible. To be quite honest, the overall feel of this work was less like high art, and more like that of a coloring book.

...Which is probably why your latest posting ended up colored by crayons, and on the breakroom fridge. Like we're some proud parent, displaying your art. Don't get your hopes up.

The next thing I would like to point out is your description of the perfect Ms. Right. You seek an intelligent woman of any age who is slim to curvy... hmm... I guess being non-specific can only widen the playing field... but then you had to add that she must have one leg amputated a few inches below the hip. Right or left hip?

You're "seeking a serious relationship, possibly leading to marriage," and those are your specifics? I'm just asking. Your closing statement of I'm drug and disease free. You should be too. seems a little demanding. Or is it just me? Are you saying that if she's not, she ought to be, but by all means, write anyway? Or don't bother? Can you afford to be so picky?

Anyway, I just wanted to offer you a little feedback. I, uh... hope you find your amputee. before she finds you.