The HeARRRRt of it all.

Okay. Only 2 months since my last post. Ummm... Not THAT bad.

I'd like to tell my current favorite joke. Incidentally, it is a pirate joke, affirmed by the fact that we saw Pirates of the Caribbean today. It's not the "a pirate's favorite letter is arrr!" one either. Cut me some slack here, people.

Here you go. Practice well. Astound your friends. Confound your enemies. Make friends and nauseate people.

JOKE:

So a pirate walks into a bar (don't they always?) and the bartender can't help but notice that there is a large wooden ship's wheel coming in with him. (You know, the kind they make ships go with?) Also inescapable is the fact that the ship's wheel appears to be attached to the pirate's crotch. Yes.... his crotch. The bartender clears his throat and nods to the pirate, "You were aware that there is a ship's wheel attached to your... uh...crotch?" The pirate replies, "ARRR! It's drivin' me nuts!"

End Joke
Commence laughter.

On with the show... In the past two months, the boy has gotten a new job where he has to wear a tie everyday. It's amazing how you can wear a tie every day but still make less than some people who wear blazers and name tags every day. HOWEVER, it is a nice upgrade for us, and the potential for him to kick ass and do well there is great, not even considering the fact that he rocks in general.

We have also come to the conclusion that ferrets and sharks are the closest thing nature has to machines. They both live to eat, have no affection for any but the chow, and will, without a second thought, bite the hand that feeds them if they thought it might taste vaguely good. Every time I think about it, I am glad that we don't have ferrets. HOWEVER, we have adopted a 4 year old Bengal cat and named her Nihao. She is a sleek and affectionate joy forever. We found her at an all-cat no-kill rescue league in Warren called "Feline Friends." ignore the name. I recommend it. While they were stringent in their requirements to qualify for adoption, and serious about taking sure you'd care well for your animal, (as well they should be) they didn't have that self-righteous and utterly annoying vibe one gets from animal rescue people sometimes. I grind my teeth while looking at cats up for adoption at various places because of the notes by their cages. Stupid, superfluous notes. If I'm looking for a cat, I want to know its gender, age, health, and temperament. I don't want a scathing judgment and "expose" of whoever gave up the animal to the shelter. (if that person abused the animal, it might make some sense, but how many animal abusers are the ones who actually take the animal in?) Instead, I get self-righteous, first person bullshit. These are actual notes paraphrased. The gist is what's important:

"My name is Fluffy (or equally nauseating un-ironic name) and I'm sad. I don't understand... I thought I had a forever home, but just because she got terminal illness and couldn't walk, my human mother gave me to the humane society--threw me out like an old piece of trash. Didn't she love me? I'm scared... won't you give me a loving home where I can live without fear of being discarded by a heartless bitch?"

Or another of my favorites...

"I'm Sweetie, a 2 year old shorthair. Just because I kept attacking their newborn baby with my snarling teeth and razor sharp claws, my family got rid of me. Now who will love me? What did I do to deserve being tossed aside like a dirty rag (which ought to be recycled anyway) Too bad they didn't understand the meaning of FOREVER and RESPONSIBILITY when they got me. Too bad they SUCK. I mean, most of those myths about cats smothering babies are hardly even true. Now I'm all alone. Won't you let me into your home and your heart? (not recommended for homes with young children.)"

Or

"I'm Snookums, a calico mix of undetermined age, and I just need to be loved! My human mother passed away of old age, leaving me and my 27 feral brothers and sisters all alone in her house full of weird odds and ends. When her son Bill and his family came, I thought, "Oh! A new family who will love me unconditionally and care for me until I go to kitty-heaven, and I bet they even have some couches that need pissing on." But boy, was I wrong, cause they just brought me to the shelter. My mother must be crying in heaven right now to know that she sired such a cruel, cold asshole. Are you going to be my new parent?"

Get the picture? Gawd... it makes me grind my teeth. How does that encourage people to surrender animals they can no longer care for, or even animals they just found? I certainly don't want to deal with that sort of crap if I'm ever in the unexpected position that I can't properly care for my pet. My sister found 2 tiny kittens on the streets of New York. She called to see about surrendering them, and the woman was incredibly rude. "Why don't you keep them YOURSELF?" She explained that she already had two cats, and had no room or money to care for 2 more. Besides, she explained, they were living in converted old factory space, and there were no walls, so if the cats didn't get along she had not way to separate them. "Pff." the woman said. "Just put them in your bathroom." Again, she had to explain that THERE ARE NO WALLS. Just a curtain for the toilet. "You don't have a BATHROOM???," the woman huffed, "I don't believe that for a second!" Oookaaay. Then I'll just pop off and drown them in the Hudson. It'll be more merciful than just tossing them back on the curb. Grrrrrr! I love animals. It's PEOPLE I hate.

Over and out.