Yo Yo Ma(ma)

A strange little thing: We have a poster up announcing the availability of Yo Yo Ma's new cd. It has a picture of him, and under it, it says his name, and " cd title-- available this date." Pretty clear, I should think. But the other morning a lady asked me excitedly about what time Yo Yo Ma would be in the store. It took some convincing to get her to believe that it really wasn't him in person, just his cd. She acted as though I were trying to horde him, all to my self. Mine. My precious. My Yo Yo Ma.

Weird.

I realize (not a new revelation) I'm an incurable people-phobe. Fear and hate: that's the name of the game. I'm really not that despicable a person.. I'm just shy around people I don't know, and then there's the fact that the world is blighted by so many stupid buggers who think they're so much better than other people. Ass-hats. That's what they are. Not sure exactly what it means, but I like it.

Another type is the "cell phone ass-hat." There is nothing more dismissive or insulting than someone on the phone, discussing how they fired their gardener, or so-and-so's lipo job while they drop their books onto your counter and flip a platinum card at you, all without even acknowledging you exist. The only time it sort of pays off is when I'm standing at the information desk, and several seconds after the flip of the card, they notice there's no movement, cast an annoyed look my way and flap their hand over the books, as though to make me magically begin the checking out process. ...Except that I'm at the information desk, with not a register in sight, as I'm certainly not going to tell them that as long as they're standing there yawping into their cell about stocks and how hard it is being filthy rich. No... Not until they sigh explosively and hang up, giving me a dirty look. Then I'll slooowly tell them that they have to check out ovvvverrrr theeeeeeere.

People who chat on cell phones in public are fine. Just not at the counter. The other day a guy caught my eye as he checked his caller id and gulped before clearing his throat and answering. "Oh yeah, yup.... great..." He said, "I'm just at the bank right now; I'll be back at the office in a couple. Ok. sure thing. bye." When he scuttled up to the registers to check out I asked, "And would you like to make a deposit, Sir?" Cue red ears and nervous laugh. It's ok, Buddy. I'm not going to tell your boss on you.