Hear ye, hear ye!

It's always a joy to discover a witty, interesting writer, and it's even more of a joy when the subject of that person's work is one dear my own heart: The dimensional bubble that surrounds Meijer, somehow rendering it a bizarre wonderland of strange sightings and experiences. For those of you non-Michigan dwellers, Meijer is a massive one-stop shopping "groceries to car parts" extravaganza the size of a city block. Seriously.

Imagine my joy when I stumbled across a blog entitled The Meijer Chronicles , composed of nothing but stories of wacky Meijer experiences! Traci's writing is hilarious and her stories make me snicker wickedly and nod knowingly. A visit to her site (linked above) is recommended.

This of course made me think of my own Meijer adventures, of which I offer this list:

• I was once at Meijer late at night, when the overhead PA came on, and a business-like man's voice announced, "Attention Meijer guests--I am not wearing any pants."

• When I was in college, a friend and I got locked out of our dorm in the middle of the night, so she and I catnapped in the back of the beanbag chair shelf in the housewares department until morning. I guess that makes me an accessory to Meijer weirdness.
  

• Once, in a Meijer bathroom, I found a cashier girl crying, and realized she was hemorrhaging. I ran to tell a brain-dead Mejier associate that one of her co-workers needed an ambulance, but she just stared at me, so I had to find a manager to make the call. Then I waited with the girl, helping her calm her breathing down, while her ineffectual coworkers fluttered annoyingly about until the ambulance arrived and whisked her away. Then I bought some wasabi.

• Once I overheard some teens talking conspiratorially about stealing a live lobster. I think their sheer stupidity made my brain stop, and I just sort of froze, contemplating their idiocy. When they noticed me and registered the look that must have been on my face, they scuttled away.

• Meijer occasionally announces via computer voice overhead, "Attention Meijer guests, there is no waiting in lane...twenty...one (or whatever lucky number)." Someone from my school once hijacked the PA to announce, "Attention Meijer guests, there is an orgy in lane...sixty...nine." Classy!

• I mustn't forget to mention my lights-out Meijer adventure.

Ah, the joys of Meijer.